i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
