walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
