every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
