Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
