The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Just made a pepperoni sandwich with cheese, mayo, and pickles. Poverty is like pot, without the happy feeling.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
