Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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