mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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