Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
