dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
