My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
