I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
