found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
