This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I intend to get homeless drunk
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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