who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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