I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
