we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
ill give you a picture of me naked for $5. im desperate.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Randomize
