So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Would you like to get a drink then hook up or reverse order I don't really care. Hopefully you can keep this between us.
Randomize
