Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
