we have officially lost it.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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