So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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