I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
