It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Randomize
