turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
pop tarts are not kleenex
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
