I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
We need to rekindle our bromance
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
