I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
