I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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