hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
