Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Randomize
