the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
My underwear smells like fireworks.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
