Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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