I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
