i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
