we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
