Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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