why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
