So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
