just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
