so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
I have post one night stand depression
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