just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
