id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
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