we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
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