Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
