I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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