it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
