TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
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