I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
