you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
