It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Randomize
