turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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