the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
