I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
