So drunk its hurt
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
