So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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