I've blown a few things in my day
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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