Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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