you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
She announced her abortion via fbk
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
