he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
you didnt know i had herpes?
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
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