my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
