sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Randomize
