Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
