I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Randomize
